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significant other
Thu, 09/25/2008 - 21:40 — parakletos
Word cannot express how much I hate that phrase. How demeaning it sounds, labelling your wife/husband/whatever with a piece of management speak. Authors who use it should be hung drawn and quartered....at the very least and should grovel for forgiveness as should their beta.
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[scurries away to re-check his prose...]
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Yes! I agree.
It has to beat
'life partner' that is making the way into the language, something i first come across in the 80's
I always prefer 'the 'ole ball and chain'
or as i use to affectionately call my ex-wife 'the evil bitch monster from hell'
I'd disagree. :p my personal
I'd disagree. :p
my personal fav is 'she who must be obeyed'
I dislike the term, but I've
I dislike the term, but I've found myself using it very rarely when I'm speaking with someone online and do not wish to disclose my gender for whatever reason, but do wish to relate the fact that I am in a relationship (married, actually).
Useful then, otherwise, not.
Significant other
lacks grace and style it's true, but part of the problem is that modern English language usage has not yet come up with a good alternative. I have used the SO phrase simply for lack of something else that's better. For instance, mate is not a good choice. Especially with increased use of British slang where it can mean best friend as in Ron and Harry.
There is need for a word that means someone is in a committed, hopefully long term, relationship whether those involved are married partners, common law partners, same sex partners or opposite sex partners. And hopefully that word/expression would posses some degree of brevity, taste, class and/or emotion.
We've got a lot of good wordsmiths on this site, so how about a small challenge. What word/phrase can you come up with that might take the place of Significant Other?
Well...
"Lover" is out there, and it's getting some use because it's entirely accurate in the emotional sense. Unfortunately, it's picked up a strong physical connotation (rather than the emotional denotation), and that's ruined it. I'd suggest "Beloved," actually. The only problem there is that in modern usage it sounds too sappy to be taken seriously by most people.
I like the idea of
I like the idea of "beloved." I think I will try slipping that into conversation some time.
BTW, I always thought that "significant other" entered the language first as a sarcastic way of poking fun at bureaucracy-speak, then became accepted (though not by Parakletos) as a standard phrase. It does meet a need.
In my experience, "politically correct" was like that, too. I first heard it as a self-satirizing usage on the campus left in the 1980s (as in, "I don't want to be to un-PC, but I'm going to order the steak"). Later it became a smear against anyone liberal by the right ("Political correctness threatens freedom of thought in today's classrooms").
'BTW, I always thought that
'BTW, I always thought that "significant other" entered the language first as a sarcastic way of poking fun at bureaucracy-speak, then became accepted (though not by Parakletos) as a standard phrase.'
You know, I don't know anyone ( in the sense of those with whom I live and work)who uses this phrase. People are more likely to use the phrase 'other half' or blokes using the term 'missus' even if they aren't married.
'Later it became a smear against anyone liberal by the right '
Interesting that you used the phrase liberal rather than left wing.
Spousal Over-Unit
I like to use this phrase coined by JMS, which fits my situation pretty much perfectly ;-)
I generally refer to my girls online as Wifey and the Offspring, for privacy reasons.
Having said which…
This would of course only apply in the main text. In dialogue, one should use the most appropriate phraseology for the character in question. If the character would be likely to use such an abomination to refer to their spouse, then of course the term should be used: anything else would be … uncharacteristic.
Actually...
That's a big problem for me. Since English isn't my first language, I can't use affectionate names with the same ease I do in Croatian because I never really used them in English. Even if I come up with something 'normal', it sounds forced (to me at least).
And if it doesn't sound forced, it sounds too sappy.
The funny part is that if I see the same phrase in someone else's work, it's okay, but when I write it, I'm not sure if it's appropriate.
Personally, I use spouse if
Personally, I use spouse if I don't want people to know too much about me. But in general, I use different terms in my writing based on how I see them.
Friends/mates/companions - indicate varying degrees of social connectedness that does not involve sexual or romantic involvement
Dating - a romantic relationship that is defined more by the desire to acquaint two people than true romance.
Boyfriend/girlfriend - a romantic relationship that can involve sex.
Lovers - an intimate sexual relationship
betrothed - a formal/traditional relationship that will end in marriage
fiance - a committed relationship that involves romance that is leading toward marriage
wife/husband/spouse - married
estranged - a relationship in difficulty but with the potential of being restarted
partner/life partner/significant other - rarely used except in dialogue.
Of course all definitions are subject to the inferred meaning created by the prose.
As to Melkior's point, other than common usage slang, I try to avoid cultural terms as it can cause more damage than good. Although I speak English and I understand most British slang when i hear it, I do not have regular contact with British slang so when I use it I don't sound any more legitimate than if I showed up in South LA with an ebonics dictionary.
However, I am not one to be stickler on making sure my stories are "Brit compliant." If Shakespeare, not that I am comparing myself to Shakespeare, can be done dressed in ghetto gear and still hold the same meaning as if done in period, than Harry Potter can handle a few trappings from America or Croatia or Japan, etc . . .
- A good novel is an indivisible sum; every scene, sequence and passage of a good novel has to involve, contribute to and advance all three of its major attributes: theme, plot, characterization.
Ayn Rand - The Romantic Manifesto p. 74 (pb 93)
Awkward use of phrases
"The funny part is that if I see the same phrase in someone else's work, it's okay, but when I write it, I'm not sure if it's appropriate."
But Dino, your use of "fetid miasma" was completely appropriate. I wonder if I can work that into a description of a couple's relationship. Hmm... The attempt I just deleted was pathetic. Never mind, as you were!
Two problems: 1) "fetid
Two problems:
1) "fetid miasma" was something M:I acquired in the beta process. You need to turn to Jonathan for that one.
2) I think I wasn't clear enough in my comment. I have trouble with pet names. The way I see it, I've used English in almost any possible every-day situation, so I don't have major problems when writing normal dialogues. However, I never needed to use pet names in English, so they don't sound natural coming out of my mouth (or fingertips). That's what I was referring to. When I write phrases like: beloved, my love, sweetheart, baby, they look utterly ridiculous to me. But as I said, it's only when I write them.
It's kind of like cursing in a foreign language. You may know all the necessary words, but you'll never sound like a native speaker. On the other hand, I have a huge experience of using expletives in English. Go figure.
Indeed
"When I write phrases like: beloved, my love, sweetheart, baby, they look utterly ridiculous to me."
That's precisely the problem I had in Phoenix Snog, when trying to determine which word I wanted to use for certain portions of the human anatomy. I've even used most of the options myself in one context or another, but it looked really silly to write them down. Weird.
I've run into the same thing
I've run into the same thing - a reference to a 'boyfriend' or a 'girlfriend' always seems insanely juvenile. No matter if it fits the age of the characters, it still just makes me squirm.
As for a replacement for significant other, why not just 'partner' ?
Frankly I don't think it's
Frankly I don't think it's natural for anyone to use those terms, native english speaker or not. I always find them contrived sounding or downright sappy. I suppose it's more obvious when you write them, but yeah, they are rather cliched. The only ones that don't seem to annoy me on a regular basis is love and sometimes hon. My father always called my mom chou (cabbage in French, his native tounge) so I can see why that might be easier. Honestly I think specific pet names are better, they actual mean something then. Like my friends who just got married. The guy's name is Charles and she calls him Charlie horse or charlie bob sometimes. I personally like it better when Harry or Ginny have a person specific pet name, like firefly or what have you, it means more to me too.
Pet names aren't really the point though
Frankly I don't think it's natural for anyone to use those terms, native english speaker or not. I always find them contrived sounding or downright sappy. I suppose it's more obvious when you write them, but yeah, they are rather cliched. The only ones that don't seem to annoy me on a regular basis is love and sometimes hon. My father always called my mom chou (cabbage in French, his native tounge) so I can see why that might be easier. Honestly I think specific pet names are better, they actual mean something then. Like my friends who just got married. The guy's name is Charles and she calls him Charlie horse or charlie bob sometimes. I personally like it better when Harry or Ginny have a person specific pet name, like firefly or what have you, it means more to me too.
There is that, except that the issue isn't so much what they call each other, but how each refers to the other when talking to a third party.
Very true
There is that, except that the issue isn't so much what they call each other, but how each refers to the other when talking to a third party.
True, except you wouldn't refer to someone as sweetheart or baby in the third person would you? That's just...bizarre. I suppose pet names were just a tangent I was picking up from the comments. I agree that there seems to be a lack of third party references. I never really thought about significant other or anything. I suppose it's a bit insulting to all the "others" in your life that aren't significant :P. Sometimes I've seen specific pet names make it into third party use and it just becomes more of a "nickname" than a "pet name" since it's used by multiple people. For instance Harry calls Ginny "Red" and refers to her as Red to other people and people start calling her Red too. But yes, this is more a name and not a relationship description like significant other or partner or lover.
I'd be fine with Partner 'cept like lover it has a lot of connotation, such as being same sex. It also might get confusing if any of the characters have professional careers where they have a "partner" like a cop (or Auror if they also have partners).
anyone know any good words in other languages? After all, English full of stolen words...mostly from French, though I find their definitions for relationships even more confusing honestly.