MetaFic

Part One: Castles Made of Sand

"...so, in fact Mr Potter, I think you are just the man for the job. You command the Elder Wand, and frankly the Ministry needs you, Hogwarts needs you, and the children need you," the middle-aged man finished his tirade trying to appeal to the 'people saving' part of the young man in front of him.

Harry Potter was not happy, in fact far from it. He wanted some peace and quiet, but there was none. For the last month and half he had numerous interviews, job offers, and he even won Witch Weekly's Most Charming-Smile Award. Take that Gilderoy! he thought.

And now they wanted him to help rebuild Hogwarts. As much as he loved the place he once considered his home, he was not sure if it was worth all of the trouble, especially using the Elder Wand. He just opened his mouth to reply to Mr Paschk, Wizarding building engineer extraordinaire, but his girlfriend beat him to it.

"You forgot the puppies!" Ginny said simply.

"Puppies?" the man was flabbergasted. Hogwarts never had puppies.

"Yes, poor puppies who lost their mummy. Oh, and the kittens too!" she exclaimed happily.

"I... er... excuse me?"

Harry smiled at the redhead. "What my girlfriend is trying to say that I will not let myself be manipulated into this. Why do you really want me to do this?"

The man's face fell. "Honestly? We don't know what to do. The damage was far greater than we expected. The wards are almost non-existent; the charms holding the places that are left shouldn't be used in building a tree-house, let alone a castle. Even the ghosts are staying outside. And that is only the magical damage. I'm not even sure if I want to talk about the physical blows the castle received. Frankly, if we don't do something I'll be surprised if the castle is still standing next Tuesday."

"Oh!" Looking over at Ginny he saw the same emotions on her face. They still needed to return here for their last year of education. He took a deep breath. "You are aware of the fact that I don't know anything about building and construction? I'm not sure if I can even make a house of cards. But if there's no one else, I'll do it."

If the man smiled any wider at hearing The-Boy-Who-Lived relenting, someone would have thought Nearly Headless Nick was trying to scare the firsties again. "I assure you Mr Potter, with command of the Elder Wand, you shouldn't have any problems. And after all, you're a great wizard. You'll think of something."

Harry groaned inwardly. Why did Ron and Hermione choose to go to Australia yesterday? "Yes, I'm sure I will. Is there anything else?"

"Well, you should report to Headmistress McGonagall for further instructions, and then I'll see you in two days." the engineer smiled and left Harry and Ginny by themselves.

"It never ends, does it?" Harry asked as he embraced Ginny.

"Nope, but at least now you could add some more hidden alcoves. It would make snogging easier," she said with a smirk.

"With my luck, they'll be discovered ten seconds after I built them," he sighed. "Let's go see the Headmistress."

***

"Mr Potter, Miss Weasley! What a lovely surprise!" McGonagall all but ran towards them.

Both teens were surprised at the change in demeanour in their former Head of House, so they barely managed to exchange greetings.

"I am so happy you agreed to help us rebuild the school Mr Potter," she exclaimed. "Without you I'm not sure if could do anything at all."

"Er, yes... Well, I was told that you have some information for me," Harry said nervously.

"Ah ,yes! Straight to the point. Well, there are a number of things I need to share with you, so why don't you join me for tea?"

"We would love to." Ginny said.

It was strange to sit around the table set on what used to be the Quidditch pitch. It almost seemed like they were in a café, not meeting their Headmistress. McGonagall conjured a tea set for three with a flick of her wand and served her guests.

"Well then," said the older woman. "There are a number of things that will require your attention. Every time Hogwarts had been rebuilt or expanded, there was a Master Builder. He or she did most of the building, though no one knows how it was done."

"How am I supposed to do anything, then?" Harry asked.

"There is a legend. According to the Headmaster's Scripts, the School itself will let you know," the Headmistress answered in a hushed voice.

Great! Not only do I have to rebuild the castle, I also need to talk to it. This just gets better and better.

"Also, previous builders have left a `trace' on the castle. A signature or a trade mark if you will. If you are to fulfil the duty of the Master Builder, then you need to do the very same." McGonagall continued. "For example, last time the castle was expanded by one BS Johnson. If I'm not mistaken, an upside down toilet was added to the Ravenclaw common room. Apart from Miss Lovegood, I believe it has never been used."

Ginny snickered while Harry groaned. "So what should I add?"

"That's up to you Mr Potter. I trust you enough to know that you won't build anything unsafe."

Unsafe? Half the castle is unsafe! "Erm, yes. I'm sure I'll find something. Anything else?"

"Well, the students made several requests, from an indoor pool to a bowling alley in honour of the late Headmaster. I have chosen the most practical suggestion, and it really came as a shock. I never knew students cared so much about the cleanliness of Hogwarts." Ginny and Harry looked at each other with puzzled faces. "They have requested that we increase the number of broom closets, and I feel that this is the best choice."

Both Harry and Ginny flushed red at this and tried to stifle the laughter that was threatening to escape them. Years of Transfiguration obviously create extra thick-layers around your intelligence.

"Er, yes ma'am! I'll be sure to add the broom closets, then." Ginny actually giggled as Harry said that.

"Wonderful! I shall leave you to prepare. I look forward to seeing your work in two days," said McGonagall as she stood up and left.

"It seems DADA isn't the only jinxed position in Hogwarts. Seems that Headmaster's go nuts," Ginny said.

Harry laughed. "Yeah, I just wish they would leave me out of it."

"Well look on the bright side. You need to add your own touch to the castle. You can build a love nest just for the two of us!" she said, her eyes sparkling.

"Er, sure..." What the hell is a love nest? And where am I going to find that out.

"Is that a yes, Mr Potter?" Ginny asked in a hopeful voice.

"Of course! Anything for you!"

Jumping into his arms, she thanked her boyfriend by snogging him senseless... without visiting any alcoves or broom closets.

***

Two days later Harry Potter stood ready for another battle. But this was a battle of a different kind. Instead of Death Eaters and Voldemort, his adversaries were blocks of stone, pieces of wood and the charms and spells keeping them together. There was another difference between the two battles. Harry was completely unprepared.

I still don't know what I need to do or how to do it. And to top it all there's the 'love nest'. I hope I got that part right.

"Ah, there you are Mr Potter, saviour of the Magical world and saviour of Hogwarts!" said the chief engineer as he noticed Harry standing in front of the visibly devastated castle.

I'll also be the saviour of the human genetic pool once I remove you from it if you don't shut up! "Hello Mr Paschk."

"All ready?" the older man asked.

To make a fool out of myself? Sure! "Of course! After all, I am the Boy Who Lived, Twice."

"Well then, work your magic!" the man said happily.

Great! I hope I'll actually figure something out before Ginny gets here. Harry pointed the Elder Wand towards the Hogwarts Castle. I'm glad I didn't return this thing yet, otherwise this whole affair would be a lot more unpleasant.

Everyone cleared the perimeter when they saw the new Master Builder ready to begin. Think Potter! You really need to do something!"Er... Reparo?"

Part Two: ...Crumple, and Never Really Stand.

Oh, great! That's the best I could think of?! Like this is going to work. But Harry's thought was cut off as he felt like he was squeezed, and then quickly expanded. It was almost like Apparition, but not quite. He found himself standing in what he guessed was a room, though complete darkness actually prevented him from finding out if he was right.

"Bloody hell! The things I get into..." he mumbled. "Lumos." But it did not help. He felt the magic rushing from his body into the wand, and he knew the wand had to light up, but it seemed that the reality did not want to catch on. Just great! Well what did you expect, Potter? You're rebuilding a castle! Everything can't really go jackanory.

"Um, hello! Anybody there?" There was no answer. "Hello!" he tried louder. "I'm starting to get annoyed!"

As soon as he said 'start-' a soft beep was heard although Harry missed it. Suddenly a faint blue glow appeared above him. It was not enough to see where he was but at least he could see himself. Before he could even start to think about the situation, an almost mechanical voice announced its presence.

"Welcome to the Castle Rebuilding System Suite 2.8. Draw F1 with your wand for help."

Draw with my wand? F1? What does F1 have to do with help? Well, here goes nothing.

Harry did as he was told, trying to bury the similarity with Tom Riddle's actions in Harry's second year. Well, at least I do it with more elegance.

"Help is not available. We are sorry to inform you that you have the Lite version of our System. For a small fee of five thousand Galleons, you can upgrade to the Professional version which is accompanied by a full help and documentation contained on two CVBs."

I'm really going to regret this. "What is a `CVB'?"

"CVB stands for Crystal Versatile Ball," the voice answered.

Well that explains everything. Not! "So, how do you work?" Harry asked, trying to get out of this mess.

"Does not compute. Draw F1 with your wand for help or say Assistant for a Personal Assistant." the System replied.

Oh why didn't I just rebuild the damn thing with my bare hands? "Assistant!" he growled.

The blue light intensified and then turned white. Harry immediately registered two things about his surroundings. The first one was the fact that he was in a room, no larger than his second bedroom at the Dursleys', without any furniture. And the second, was that a man was now standing in front of him. He was wearing a scarlet and gold robe and his red hair was pulled back in a ponytail held by a pink ribbon. Pink? On a man? He was sure that was a man even though he got a distinct impression he was looking at a paper clip. Well, he doesn't really look like a paper clip. It's more that he feels like one.

"Er, hi there..." Harry said somewhat uncertainly.

"Who art thou?" asked the man in a rather high voice for his size.

Art? What does art have to do with anything? Oh, don't tell me I have to paint it too. And that last thing he said. It sounded like he was punched in the gut. I'll just pretend he said 'Who' and nothing else. Yeah, that's the way to go. "Harry Potter."

The man bowed slightly. "I am, or rather, I was Godric the Brave of Gryffindor. What thou hast-"

"Bless you!" Harry said automatically conjuring a handkerchief and offering it to the man.

"Ah, I see thou understandest not Oldish," said Godric as he scratched his head. "Let's try this again. I am the impression of Godric the Brave of Gryffindor and I will act as your Personal Assistant. What is your business here?"

Harry blinked. Godric Gryffindor is talking to me! Wait! Godric Gryffindor is wearing a PINK ribbon! I must be hallucinating. Yes, that's it. I used too much of my magic when I cast Reparo and now I'm unconscious. This is all a hallucination. I should pinch myself. Ouch! Oh bollocks!

"Nice to meet you Mr Gryffindor." Best to play along.

"Oh, none of that. You may call me Big G. That's what my partners used to call me."

Big G? Partners? I guess he's talking about the Founders. "Er, right. Well Big G the thing is, the castle got a little... um, wrecked I guess, and they got me to be the Master Builder."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have lovely eyes?" asked Godric with a dreamy smile.

"Um, no. Especially no one male." I guess Ginny was right. All the Headmasters really are nuts.

"Pity. Well then Master Builder Harry. What seems to be wrong with the Hogwarts Castle?"

"Everything?"

"Oh. Let us have a look at the Magic Stability diagram then." With a wave of his hand a model of Hogwarts appeared in front of him. Harry was not really sure why, but he was glad that something was between them.

"Watch the highlights closely. Blue means that everything is in order. Red means that the charms and spells are failing and black means that they have already failed."

The diagram was quite disappointing. Most of it was red with black spots all over the place. Not even a tinge of blue in sight.

"I presume the castle has been the site of a large battle," Godric continued.

"Well, yes. There were some physical blows but most of the damage was done by magic," Harry said.

"Hmm... This is how you should do it. Point your wand at the castle and say Rebuildius

"Rebuildius?" Harry asked. "That doesn't really sound like a spell."

"Well, it's not. It's a command recognized by the System. Just try it."

"If you say so... Rebuildius!" Harry said pointing the wand.

Everything went as Harry had expected it. In other words, nothing happened.

"It seems that the damage is far too great to be corrected by that command. You will have to do it the old fashioned way. Step by step."

"What does that mean exactly?" Harry asked.

"You'll see in a moment. May I ask you a question?" Godric was fidgeting nervously.

I'm so going to be sorry about this! "Sure."

"How big is your, um, wand?"

"What does my wand have to do with anything?" Barmy old codger. He really is insane.

"It's good to know, just in case," Godric answered him.

"It's eleven inches. I don't know about the other one. It seems longer."

"Oh my! Eleven inches! Other one!?! You have two of them?" Godric asked incredously.

"Yes. Now, can we please move on?"

"Oh, right! Er... Well, I believe you will need to redirect magic from the grounding points into the castle so the damage can be repaired. Then you need cut off the excess magic because the castle will continue to grow. Also, some parts of the castle will need special attention, but we'll talk about that when we encounter those situations."

"Redirect magic? Grounding points? What in the name of Merlin are you talking about?"

"Please Master Builder Harry, there is no need to raise your voice. I assure you, those tasks are quite easy, especially for someone with such a big wand," Godric said with a beatific smile.

"Great! Just great!" I bet Ginny's already at Hogwarts wondering where the hell I disappeared. I'm a dead man. "So, are you going to explain me what I need to do?"

"Yes, you're right. There's no need to spank... um I mean, spend time unnecessarily. Step closer to the model and you will see four holes in the ground around the castle. Those are the grounding points."

Harry did as he was told, and indeed, on every side of the castle there was a hole. He turned back to look at the ex-Headmaster.

"Ah, you've found them. Now concentrate on a part of the castle you wish to repair first. Choose the closest grounding point and insert your wand into it. Then think about forcing the magic into the damaged part."

Well, I guess the main task is inserting and forcing. After all, he did accent those words. Maybe this actually works.

He noticed that the Astronomy Tower was a blur of red and black. Deciding that this was a good start as any, he put the tip of his wand into the Western grounding point and imagined the castle being repaired.

At least that is what he had planned, but as soon as he bent over to insert the wand, Godric, who was standing behind him, yelped. It almost sounded like a rubber duck. The image flew straight into his mind.

***

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DISAPPEARED? HOW CAN HE JUST DISAPPEAR? HE MUST HAVE SAID SOMETHING!" the petite redhead was screaming with the lung capacity of a sperm whale. She was standing in front of the Hogwarts Castle which turned blue and had white gibberish all over it. Honestly, what kind of behaviour was that for one respectable castle?

The large men were hiding behind a huge pile of bricks, leaving Mr Paschk alone in front of the personification of fury. After all, they were paid to carry huge loads and build things, not to end up hexed by a furious redhead.

The middle-aged man was shaking like a leaf. He was never so scared in his life. He desperately needed to cast a scourgify into his pants, but any sudden movement could cause dire consequences. "M-m-miss Weasley," he stuttered. "Master Builder just directed his wand to the castle and muttered a spell. We never heard what it was."

"Well if he doesn't come back soon he'll be the Master Lead Soprano!"

She wanted to add something else, but the castle interrupted her by turning into a huge, yellow, and suspiciously grim-looking, rubber duck.

Ginny blinked three times. She sighed. "Ah well, at least I know he's alive."

***

"I apologize!" Godric exclaimed hurriedly. "I was distracted and well..."

"You realise that because of you the castle is now a huge duck!" Harry said as he looked at the model.

"At least it's blue now," Godric supplied.

Well it is blue. So it's fixed I guess. The only problem is that it's wrong shape.

"It might be blue but I can't return and present them with a giant duck. How do I fix this?" Harry growled.

"Same as last time. Just concentrate on the castle instead."

I will if you stop squeaking! Castle, castle, big castle, Hogwarts castle, yeah, that's it!

Slowly the duck dissolved and re-materialised as the familiar castle. That was the good part. The bad part was that it still had red and black spots. Not as many, but some were still present. At least the Astronomy Tower and a fair part of the castle around it were as good as new.

"Well that looks better!" Harry said with pride in his voice.

"Yes it is, but it seems you can't get rid of the duck," Godric responded.

Harry turned to see what the older man was showing. The model of the Giant Squid was chasing a smaller, but still big enough, rubber duck. He scratched his head. "Well at least he has a friend now..." he trailed off, after seeing the squid's new action.

Godric grinned. "Good for him! I wonder if the kids are going to be yellow."

Harry was waving like crazy with his wand. He was clearing the halls. Just as he was trying to fix a blown up broom closet he remembered what he and Ginny did there. Ginny...

***

Ginny was looking at the castle which chose to appear just after the Squid started doing some rather obscene things. "Well, I've heard of duct tape, but this is ridiculous."

At that moment, the castle suddenly sprouted a pattern of freckles. A very familiar pattern of freckles.

She had seen them many times in the mirror. They were located under her right... She blushed. "What is he doing?" she muttered.

***

Ooops! McGonagall in a bikini! Sprout with a feather duster! Whew! All better now!

The castle was looking much better now. All he needed was to repair the Great Hall and add the new parts to the castle.

Godric was eerily quiet while Harry was working. I should get him to talk about something.

"So tell me, why are you known for bravery?" Harry asked.

"Well Master Builder Harry, I was the first wizard to come out of the closet."

That doesn't sound brave at all. They were all bloody insane a thousand years ago. "Er... I used to live in a closet. Well, more of a cupboard. For ten years," Harry supplied uncertainly.

"I know how you feel," the ex-headmaster replied in a sympathetic voice.

"Right. So, how do I fix the Great Hall?"

"Oh, that's easy! All you have to do is..."

***

Rebuilding the Great Hall was indeed easy. All Harry had to do was point the wand where the hall would have been and twist it a couple of times. He even added more space.

Now on to the new additions to the castle.

***

Harry was not sure how much time he spent working on the castle but it seemed like ages. In reality, it was only two hours.

And everything was done. Even the love nest. I hope she likes it.

"So Godric, how do I get out of here?"

"Oh, leaving already? Well all you need to I hold out your wand and say 'Master Builder commands Shut Down.'"

"Oh. How did I get here anyway?"

"Well once you become a Master Builder you only need to direct your wand at the castle and show intent in repairing it."

Great! I didn't even need the Elder Wand. "I guess this is bye then." He did not wait for an answer. "Master Builder commands Shut Down."

A tight squeeze, and expansion later and he was standing in front of the castle. He turned around to see his girlfriend advancing with wand in her hand.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXPLANATION RIGHT NOW!"

"Er, hi Gin! Well... You see, I was kind of transported to the rebuilding system and..."

She was standing mere inches away. Harry silently prepared himself for getting hexed. But the spell never came. She only hugged him fiercely. "I was so scared. Don't you do that to me EVER again."

"I won't Gin. I promise," he said hugging her back.

"Ah, Master Builder. So good to see you! You have done a masterful job of rebuilding the castle," came the voice of Mr Paschk.

"Do not expect me to do this again! Do you hear me?" Harry asked.

"Yes... Well, now we need to tour the castle. I'll get the Headmistress."

***

They were standing in front of a new door. Harry turned towards McGonagall. "And let me show you the Hall of Broom Closets!" And he opened the door.

The room was almost the size of the Great Hall, but on every wall, there were dozens of doors. Each door led to a broom closet. They were slightly bigger.

The Headmistress examined them one by one. She was delighted with the work but she noticed something unusual.

"Mr Potter, may I ask you why the broom closets all have Cushioning charms on the floor?"

Harry turned red, while Ginny hid her grin behind her hand. "Well, er... I thought it would help. The twigs won't break this way..."

"Wonderful! The attention to detail... Incredible! I knew you were the best man for the job!"

Harry managed a small nod.

"What about your addition to the school?" the old woman asked.

"Yes, what about it?" Ginny piped in.

"Er... It's hidden. And private. You said it could be..."

"Ah, shame. Well I will take your word for it. Thank you once again Mr Potter. You may rest now if you want to."

"I will."

Harry left into the boy's dormitory to change. Ginny was waiting impatiently for him. She wanted to see his special addition. She went upstairs to hurry him. Once she was close to the door, she heard his voice clearly.

"Damn! Must use both wands... Complicated... Have to concentrate. Ahhh."

It was obvious Harry still had some work and it was not going well. She rushed into the room to help him. He had his back turned to her. She could see his left hand behind his back under the shirt, and the other one tucked through the collar of the same shirt.

He was scratching his back.

"Harry! I thought you were in danger or something!"

He turned around quickly. He never heard her coming inside. "Well, you have no idea how I much needed to do this the whole day."

"Very well. Now let's go! I want to see it!"

Well this is it. I really hope this is what she wanted.

"Ok, but you need to wear this blind-fold."

"Harry!"

"It has to be a surprise."

She accepted the blindfold, although grudgingly and put it on. Harry took her hand and started leading her through the castle.

***

They were almost there. Harry was very nervous.

I hope she likes it. And I hope she never asks how I did all these things. I would rather forget it myself. That's it! If she doesn't ask, I won't tell.

He opened the hidden door with a complicated wand movement and led the redhead inside.

"We're here. I hope you like it."

She could not wait to see it. She felt the blindfold leaving her closed eyes. She opened them slowly.

In front of her was a pink heart. A big pink heart. No, it was not really a heart. It was a bird nest built out of pink twigs, and incidentally it was heart-shaped. "Oh..."

Well, that wasn't the reaction I expected? "What is it Gin? You don't like it?"

"No, it's er... wonderful! It's hidden, right?" At his nod she continued. "Well than it'll have to do."

His face fell. "So you don't like it?"

"Oh, It's great! Really! I love it!" She really was disappointed, but as she said, it would have to do. She was not going to waste the moment. And she had enough time to fix it to her liking.

She started snogging her boyfriend enthusiastically. After twenty or so sweaty minutes she pulled back to look at him. She smiled.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have lovely eyes?"

FIN